3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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