I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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