He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
