Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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