party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
She told me I should be a condom model.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
It's shark week go big or go home
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
