No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
