Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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