Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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