Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize