I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
