So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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