You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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