y did u give ur computer a hand job?
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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