And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
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