I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Randomize
