I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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