I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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