dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
