I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize