Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
