Ambien. No doubt about it.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
