I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
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