why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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