i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Drunk is not a location!
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
