no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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