I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize