My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
