The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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