You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Can i not drive my cunt home
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
