I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
