I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
