Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize