Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
