no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
A bitchslap is in order.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
