if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
