I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
