Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
