I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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