yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
