You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
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