theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
organizing the empties. That sober.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Randomize
