Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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