i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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