i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
i was born a porn star she said
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Randomize
