i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
