do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
