This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize