I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
