I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Randomize
