we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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