I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
