Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
