She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I still have a little drunk in my system
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
