i already hear my dad disowning me
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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