Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
