im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
