She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
