thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Randomize
