it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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