I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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