just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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