My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
