I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
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