I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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