I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
