im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Just high enough for therapy.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
