We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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