Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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