we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
