Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
