Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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