my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
