I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
